(On the subject of Heartbreak)

Have you ever noticed how, right before a person’s heart shatters into a million pieces, it’s almost as if the entire world just stops inside of them.
Silent.
Waiting.
Deadly.
It’s like you are tumbling off the abyss, into nothingness,
yet for a split second….
You reach, grasping out,
looking for some shred of hope,
even though deep down, you know there is none.
You’ve known for a while.
But you stayed the course.
And here you are.
The false hope of hope
is honestly the worst part, I think.
There’s a desperation there.
A terror,
a pain,
a wave of completely unhindered,
soul encompassing emotions…
Then the silence releases,
like an exhale,
and your spirit shreds and falls around you like the dying leaves on an autumn day. Who you were? That person is gone.
You will never be them again.
Pain is an altering state.
A metamorphosis.
We drown and disassemble in it
like a caterpillar within a cocoon,
and who knows what will emerge
by the time you are done
reshaping yourself into something
brave enough to face the world.
The world never seems quite
the same again either.
We become altered,
as if after all that patching
ourselves back together,
there’s a tear there
somewhere deep down,
a spot where our souls
simply never quite shifted back together. They just…
Dance there,
inside you,
like rays of moonlight across the meadow, whispering, remembering.
A time long ago.
When they had no need to dance
to whisper,
to graze across your mind and heart… “Remember…. Remember… ”
And you always do.
Because every time you look in the mirror, you can see it.
That void inside of you,
pretending to be whole.
You swear that never again …
Will you fall for the sound of
comfort and hope.
You will always hold onto to
that broken thread of soul inside of you. Because that peice?
It’s more you then the rest of it.
It’s the part that survived.
It’s whats left of the former you.
Pain can make you cling to it,
even when you have every reason not to. You cling to your pain
and know that it’s yours,
and stand by the abyss within your heart… Wondering what the point of it all really is. Some of us act like like we are fine.
Some of us try to drown it all.
Some of us run away in any way we can. The thing is the one thing
we can never outrun
is the one thing we always run from…
That moment of silence
before it all shatters…
It catches up with us you see.
Eventually, we have to face it.
Accept it.
And learn to bare it.
It’s the strangest thing about life…
What breaks us
is the very thing that builds us.
Be tender with yourself my friends.
For we are all just learning to live
like shattered glass
masquerading as a whole piece..
just trying to find a place to refit in.

-Elle Daniels